On Her Majesty's Frightfully Secret Service Read online

  “Good God,” Mummy said. “I never liked her. Po-faced, wasn’t she?”

  “And too perfect. I’m quite longing to see Queenie again,” I agreed.

  “So we are free to go, do you think?” she asked and a frown wrinkled that perfect forehead. “Although I don’t see how I can leave not knowing . . .”

  “All taken care of,” I said. “The offending items went up in smoke. A pile of ash.”

  Relief flooded across her face. “Darling. You are a genius. If there’s anything I can do for you in return . . . anything. We’ll pay for your wedding, of course. Give you a lovely trousseau. Maybe I can ask Max to buy you a sweet little house somewhere. I’ll never be able to repay you.”

  I let her hug me, overwhelmed by this display of affection, and was glad when Uncle Cosimo summoned me to be interviewed by yet another important policeman wearing a lot of braid. I told him everything, and mentioned that I had saved a sample of the tea that Gerda wanted me to drink because I suspected that she was going to drug me again or even kill me this time. He nodded when Uncle Cosimo translated all this for him, then he said something in Italian. Uncle Cosimo smiled and translated. “He says you are a brave and intelligent young woman. You will make some man a good wife.”

  “Thank you,” I said. “I intend to.”

  And I went to find the man in question. Darcy had just returned from removing his belongings from the cottage, leaving no evidence that he had ever occupied it. The English gardener had just vanished and as far as the other gardeners were concerned, good riddance.

  We ate a hearty breakfast, for once with eggs as Camilla thought we needed nourishing. Mummy and Max departed with lots of hugs and kisses and promises. I doubted if any of them would be fulfilled, but at least I’d remind her to pay for my wedding . . . if it was allowed to take place. I had put that worry aside while I was here, but now I’d fulfilled my part in the bargain. I had done what the queen had asked, and I could report back that Mrs. Simpson was still not free to marry her son. She could rest easy that . . . then I remembered why he had been brought here. Oh crikey! Should I tell them what I had overheard? Then I decided to keep quiet. Darcy would report to the men who mattered. The prince would be watched and advised accordingly. And would do the right thing, I hoped.

  I went out onto the steps to wave good-bye to my mother. Just as they were about to get into their motorcar I remembered something. “By the way, Mummy, did you know that Granddad is getting married?” I said. In all the turmoil of the last days this worrying fact had completely slipped my mind.

  Her eyes opened wider. “Married? To whom? Not that awful old bat next door who has been trying to get her hook into him for years?”

  “The very one,” I said. “Mrs. Huggins, or ’uggins, as she calls it.”

  “But we can’t let that happen!” she said. “We can’t have a creature like that in the family. She’ll show up at your wedding with her hair in curlers and wearing a pinny.”

  “Surely it’s up to him, isn’t it? He’s lonely, Mummy. He just wants company.”

  “She’s lured him with her treacle puddings,” Mummy said. “Well, it’s going to happen over my dead body. Max!” she called as he loaded one of Mummy’s many bags into the backseat. “I’ve changed my mind, darling. We’re not going to the villa after all, we’re heading straight for England.”

  And so I watched them go, wondering whether Mummy would get the better of Mrs. Huggins. I wasn’t quite sure who would win.

  When Darcy and I finally found ourselves alone he said to me, “Listen, I have to go back to London to report on all this.”

  “Of course,” I said, trying to appear calm and businesslike.

  “Hold on a minute.” He put a hand on my shoulder. “I didn’t say I had to go back immediately. I could go back tomorrow instead of today. I thought maybe you and I could find a little hotel somewhere on the lake and have some time together. It’s very beautiful here.”

  Oh golly, I was tempted. But I shook my head. “I promised Belinda I’d go to look after her. Now that she’s no longer at the clinic she’ll need someone to do her shopping and cleaning.”

  “She doesn’t have servants?”

  “She had one, but the woman has gone to be with her daughter, also having a baby right now.”

  “Bugger Belinda,” Darcy muttered. “How about us for once?”

  I ignored the swearword this once. I did feel the same way myself. “Maybe it wouldn’t matter if I left her alone for one more day,” I said, already weakening. “And I suppose she could have Francesca’s granddaughter run errands for her.”

  Darcy’s face lit up. “There you are. Perfect. Shall we get going, then?”

  I still hesitated, torn between duty and desire to be with my beloved. “I should perhaps just stop in to make sure she’ll be all right. Maybe buy her some food, you know.”

  “All right,” Darcy said. “We’ll take your suitcase up to her house and just bring a small bag for tonight.”

  Those words made clear the implication of going away with Darcy for the night. We had been chaste until now. But we were going to marry soon. Did it matter that much if we didn’t wait another couple of months?

  “Yes, a small bag for tonight,” I repeated.

  We went up to my room and Darcy sat on the bed while I packed my suitcase. It was easy to pack because everything was in neat piles.

  “I must say there were some advantages to Gerda,” he said, watching me. “Maybe we can find you another efficient maid when we are settled.”

  “Golly, no, thanks,” I said, making him laugh. “I was terrified of her, even before I knew she was a trained killer.”

  We went to say good-bye to Camilla. She hugged me, a little awkwardly, and made us promise to come back and stay soon. And to invite her to the wedding. I took my leave of Paolo, his mother and Uncle Cosimo. I wondered what Paolo felt about his uncle and whether he knew of the sort of scheming that had gone on. I didn’t think so. He seemed a likeable, straightforward type of chap. I hoped he and Camilla could be happy together and that he wouldn’t be tempted to stray.

  When I asked if someone could telephone for a taxi, Paolo offered to drive us up to Belinda’s. I didn’t quite know what to do about that—I’d have appreciated the ride, but I couldn’t risk Paolo seeing Belinda, could I?

  “Please don’t bother,” I said. “It’s a lovely day. We can easily walk.”

  “No bother at all,” Paolo said.

  I glanced at Darcy. “He can’t meet Belinda,” I whispered. “Old lover!”

  “Blimey,” Darcy muttered. Paolo brought around the Maserati and our bags were loaded into the back. I think I held my breath all the way up the hill. This time there was no group of women outside the bakery. In fact, the village street was deserted apart from two old men who sat outside the café/bar, each with a glass of red wine in front of him—even though it was not yet ten o’clock.

  “I’m afraid I can’t ask you in,” I said as he inched the sports car into the alleyway. “My friend is still quite ill and not up to receiving visitors.”

  “Don’t worry,” Paolo said. “I understand. I am merely the chauffeur.”

  He helped Darcy unload our bags. I prayed that Belinda wouldn’t open the door and come rushing out. I gave a big sigh of relief as the Maserati reversed into the street and drove away.

  Darcy picked up my bag. “I’ll carry it to the front door for you,” he said, “then I’ll wait on the street while you tell her our plans.”

  “You’re not coming in?”

  “You don’t want me to come in with you,” he said.

  “Why not? Belinda would love to see you. She needs cheering up.”

  “But don’t you think she’d be embarrassed, for a man to see her in this . . . condition?” he said. I had rarely seen him uncomfortable.

  “Darcy
, I think she’d like to be treated like a normal person, to be reminded of her old life at this moment. I feel so sorry for her.”

  “She did bring it upon herself,” he said. “Her lifestyle was never what you might call prudent.”

  “This was different,” I said, leaping to her defense. “The man told her he loved her and talked about their future together. She thought he intended to marry her. It could happen to any of us. To me, if we go to a little pension tonight and then you change your mind about marrying me.”

  “Absolutely not,” he said, actually blushing. “I would never let that happen to you. In the first place, I would make sure, and in the second, we don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. I just wanted time alone with you.”

  I looked at him, melting. “Oh, Darcy. I do love you,” I said. “And I want to spend time with you more than anything. But you do see my point. The man always walks away free as air and the girl’s life is ruined. Belinda thinks that nobody will marry her now, that she’s spoiled goods.”

  Darcy nodded, then finally said, “Come on, then. Let’s get this over. This suitcase is beginning to weigh a ton.”

  I tapped at her front door. There was a long pause, then Belinda opened it. I gave a little gasp. She looked terrible. She was in her nightclothes, a purple silk dressing gown tied over her monstrous belly. Her hair was unbrushed and plastered to the sides of her face. She looked ashen white, almost gray.

  “Oh, Georgie,” she said. “Thank God you’ve come. I feel terrible. I don’t know what’s wrong. I think it must be food poisoning.”

  “Come on, let’s get you to bed,” I said. “Darcy’s with me. What have you had to eat today?”

  “Nothing. I haven’t felt like food since I got here.”

  “I’ll make you some tea. Do you have eggs?”

  “Nothing really. The larder is bare.”

  “Then I’ll send Darcy to get food. Go and lie down.”

  I led her into the bedroom, took off her robe, tucked her in and sent Darcy off for eggs, milk, bread and fruit.

  “When did you start feeling like this?” I asked.

  “As soon as I got here,” she said. “I decided on the spur of the moment to escape from the clinic, so I packed my things and I had to almost run down the hill to catch the midday ferry.”

  “Belinda! You must be out of your mind.”

  “I couldn’t find a taxi,” she said, “and I couldn’t ask them to summon one.” She took a deep breath and said, “You don’t understand. I hated that place. I was becoming so depressed there.”

  “It might have been boring and sterile but surely the best place to have a baby.”

  “Oh, I’ll go back nearer the time, I suppose,” she said. “I just couldn’t stand another moment of doing nothing. Sitting there while those frightful nuns drifted around me, telling me what a sinner I was. The last straw was when they told me I’d not be allowed to know where my baby would be going. I chose that clinic because they arrange adoptions when necessary. But I thought, naïvely, I suppose, that I’d be able to choose a jolly peasant family and come to visit the little dear whenever I wanted to. Then I found out they take the baby away as soon as it’s born. I’m not even allowed to hold her—in case I get attached, they said.”

  I looked at her with pity and she had tears rolling down her cheeks. “I know it’s for the best, but I thought I could keep this little house and pay someone in the village to take care of her and come to see her often. Much better, right? So I fled. And I . . .” She broke off, grimacing in pain. There were beads of sweat on her forehead.

  “Belinda, you don’t think you’re in labor, do you?” I asked.

  “But it’s not due for at least two more weeks,” she said, looking at me in fright. “And these are great waves of pain over my whole body. My back, my stomach.”

  “I’m not much of an expert, but it sounds as if you could be giving birth. That run down the hill probably brought things on.”

  She sat up, clutching my hand. “Oh God, Georgie. I can’t have a baby here. There are no nurses or gas or anything.”

  “When Darcy returns we’ll have him go for the doctor. He’ll be able to tell what’s happening. In the meantime I’ll make you that tea.”

  I boiled a kettle. Darcy returned with milk and food, and I sent him out again immediately to find a doctor.

  “You mean she’s having the baby?” he asked, looking more worried than I had ever seen him. “Here? Now?”

  “It very much seems like it,” I said. “At least the doctor will be able to tell us.”

  “I’ll go right away.” He looked relieved not to be in the house with her, I thought.

  I went back to Belinda and propped her up while she sipped tea. She had to stop halfway as another wave of pain swept over her. “This is awful, Georgie,” she said. “If it’s labor, remind me never to do it again. I’ll never go near another man as long as I live. I’ll join those nuns . . .”

  I had to laugh and then so did she. “Oh, Georgie,” she said, taking my hand. “I’m so glad you are here. I was so scared . . .”

  “I won’t leave you now,” I said, giving a little inward sigh. “It’s going to be all right.”

  “I wish you could have come earlier. Was there really a murder in the house?

  “There were actually two murders.”

  “Two? You certainly seem to have an attraction for dead bodies.” She managed a weak smile.

  “It was all rather horrid and the local policeman wanted to arrest my mother.”

  “Your mother was there?”

  “Oh yes. It was a jolly gathering.” I grinned. “I couldn’t wait to get away, even before the murder.”

  “I’m glad you’re here now,” she said. “How was Miss Cami-Knickers?”

  “Rather nice, actually. I think she enjoyed having me there. She’s lonely, you know.”

  “Lonely? How could one be lonely with that gorgeous Paolo? She doesn’t deserve him.”

  She broke off talking again, rocking back and forth and groaning. I had never witnessed an actual birth, apart from a foal in our stables in Scotland, but I had heard about contractions and how they came closer and closer together. Belinda’s, I deemed, were only a few minutes apart.

  It seemed an eternity before Darcy returned, panting from having run. “There is no doctor in the village,” he said. “I had to find someone with a telephone and I put through a call to the doctor in Stresa, but he is out on his house calls and his receptionist has left a message for him when he returns. But she has no idea when that will be. Some of his patients are up in the hills.”

  “Golly,” I said. I lowered my voice, glancing back at Belinda’s room. “I don’t think we’ve got that long. She doesn’t seem to have a clue, but I believe she’s getting awfully close.”

  “To having the baby, you mean?”

  “No, to swimming the Channel,” I replied, exasperated. “Of course I meant having the baby. She’s having contractions every minute or so.”

  “So what are we going to do?” Darcy said. “Should I go back to the village and see if I can round up a couple of women who know about this sort of thing?”

  “From what I’ve seen on films, you have to find clean towels and boil water.”

  “What for?”

  “I’m not actually sure,” I confessed.

  He grinned. “A fine pair of midwives we are.”

  “We’re the best she’s got right now. Come on, let’s get back to her.”

  “You don’t need me in there.” Darcy hung back.

  “Honestly, Darcy. I thought you were fearless.”

  “Drug runners and gangsters and international spies are one thing, but a woman having a baby?” He shook his head.

  “Oh, all right. Go and boil the water and find those towels,” I said.

&n
bsp; I went back to Belinda. She was lying back, now bathed in sweat. “Georgie, I think you’re right,” she said. “I think I might be having the baby now.”

  “Just cottoned on to that, have you?” I grinned. “Darcy’s gone to boil water. I suppose we better take a look and see. . . .” I pulled back the bedclothes. “Oh,” I exclaimed, rather shocked at what I saw. “Oh golly, Belinda,” I said. “I hope the doctor gets here soon.”

  “When did Darcy say he was coming?”

  “He didn’t. The doctor is out on his rounds and could be anywhere. It may be just us.”

  “I keep feeling I want to push,” she said. “That’s bad, isn’t it?”

  “It means the baby is coming out,” I said. “Which is good, I suppose.”

  I peeked under the sheet again and saw a little pink mound between Belinda’s legs. As I watched, the mound revealed itself to be the top of a head, then a whole little head. I stared, horrified and fascinated. Darcy came in behind me. “The water has just boiled. What do you want me to . . . oh, my God!” he exclaimed.

  “She’s giving birth right now,” I said.

  “I can see that.”

  Belinda let out a primeval yell and the rest of the baby slithered out. Darcy and I stared at it, neither of us daring to touch it.

  “Here’s one of those towels you wanted,” Darcy said.

  “It’s still got the cord attached,” I said.

  “Aren’t we supposed to cut it or something?” Darcy asked. “I’m sure I read an instruction manual once. You’re supposed to tie it with bootlaces and cut it.”

  “I’m not cutting anything,” I said. “Let’s wait a while, shall we?”

  “I’m going to go and find those women,” Darcy said and left rapidly. “Somebody ought to know what they are doing around here.”

  “Has it come out?” Belinda asked, trying to sit up. “Why isn’t it crying?”

  Gingerly I wrapped the little pink thing in a towel. Immediately it flailed its arms and let out a high-pitched cry. I looked at it in wonder. A tiny person. Just perfect. Waving little hands, and face screwed up in indignation. I wiped the face clean, looked at Belinda and smiled.